thought i deleted my entry . scroll down to rambeling thoughts to see what else i wrote today. Heres some old entried from an old blog 2 years ago :.

Summer 2 years ago
Have u noticed how one day life can bew soo utterly wonderful and the next it feels as if ur in hell...thats basicly how i feel. I mean when i was talking with Jamie from camp it felt as if my life was perfect...as if he protected my heart..protected me...we didn't even date but i know he liked me...sometimes i just know things. I kno that if we had dated then we would have had a really strong relationship. It tears my heart up that i might never see him again. i met him @ camp and i have no clue if hes there next year or even if hes here next week ( he waz @ camp the week after i left he told me) . I tried talking to my best friend but she didnt really seem to care...thanx sam... I miss Jamie so much and i fell so inlove with him..but weird anough my legs didn't turn to jelly when i saw him and i could actually remember my name. I felt as if i could talk to him about anything ( we even had a conversation about me falling out of a car...lol) . I could relate to him about anything. he had longish black curls...braces and an unsure smile. people called him goth..but i dont think that is the right word for him . I once asked him about about it ...saying if he wasn't goth than what was he? he replied with an answer that kept me up all night long thinking about. You are you and i am me. This one sentance made so much sence, and yet had so much wisdom and meaning to it. It is soo true to ...u r u and i am me every1 iz unique...that iz soo true. I want to see him so bad it hurts. and i might never see him again that hurts so bad. he also had a great sence of humor...he used to make me laugh..and sometimes when nothing was even funny. it interesting how love can do that. u feel sooo inlove that it seems as though everything that person says is important and wonderful. Thats how it felt with Jamie. And as i said b4 it seems as though life will never seem the same gain and that it will take you years to recover..and i will...i just hope ill see him again. Love is a weird thing..u definetly kno when ur inlove and when its just a little crush. I used to have an old crush...Sean...and i knew i liked him alot. One day after two years of thinking i loved him and talking bout him over and over again 2 my buds (thanx 4 listining guys!! mwahhh ) i told myself that i wasn't going to like him . Surly anough in awhile my feelings for him melted away. Then i knew...even though numbers of journals had his name written over and over again i didn't really care for him as i do jamie. I try and erase Jamier from my mind as i did Sean...but i didn't seem to work. Thats the problem with love...and thats why ppl have heart breaks..because they dont want to still care for the person..but something about that person just makes it impossble to forget. But once u do it feels like a breath of fresh air..like uve been set free. Sure...when u meet up again it is awkward..but u will eventually get over that to. Now ..i havnt exactley experienced with break up...but what im going through now lets me know somewhat of what its like..missing soemone and needing them...so badley. I miss Jamie..and a peice of me wants to run back to camp and throw my arms arouned him and never let go ...but that wouldn't be the right thing to do...that wouldnt be strong. Whatever happens in love u wether it be ectasy or a horble heartbreak or a small crush..or true love ...u absolutly have to be strong.



It was true love. ok..probably not but i was 11 or 12.
<3.