heading off to cinncinati tomorrow. I will be there for my birthday. Im almost 14 and already down hill. All i need now is to by into pop-culture and start wearing ugg boots and lipsmackers.

wait...



wish me luck in the next year like any other normal cliqued poster would.
I just sit in the back of the class and hope no one talks to me to harshly.

aha! My 5th New Years Resolution-

jut kdding I still cant think of one.

Pet Doony

Im looking at my doony and buerke bag. It wont talk back... and i find this very fruustrating. YOU cost me ( or should i say my mother) 80 dollars you worthless beautiful bag ,you.

damn guilt and its heavy quilt of suckiness.

A while ago, i went over to shiny lipglosses house and stared at her closet. She stared at me as if half expecting me to screech and throw my arms arouned her and yell , "Oh shiny lipgloss...you are the very center of all my envy". Haha. not with this pride.

what pride.

shut up head.


I want to be a famous blogger !

I wish i could log on to this blog and look at something else other than the lazy zero staring up at me from the number of comments. In its complte nothingness. In its zeroness. In its boringness.

Yup..KNOWONE has glanced today..not one person. You might as well talk to yourself.

I will. I guess. until the utter lamness of it seeps onto me. I am the INSTUNEICE. Thats right! Blogesphere fame is in my er...step-blood! so read and let me know darnet!



Im almost 14...DONT STOP READING. yes i said my age..please dont roll your eyes and think some stupid.."oh shes just immature and complatative."..bullshit act of laziness.
But whatever i dont know you. Who am i talking to . Pet dooney still isnt answering. Lindsay Lohan on the tag is not very talkitive either.

Great.



Final Thought of entry- My only Confidant's are a bag and this computer. wish me luck.

Me

Perspective

A year ago. wow. i can still imagine samantha mahoneys face. laughing and miserable...clutching to me like a saftey raft..though i didnt realize it ..but i was the one who needed her. One year ago...sam aronow..innocent in naive ignorance. she smiled , not knwing how well she would know me. One year ago..I stood , unappreaciative of all I had...in capable of seeing what good fortune i had. Forward one year to now. i sit and feel sour ...my stomach feels sour..my mind feels sour..I feel sour. but in those breif moments of exhilaration...I can open my mouth and breath air that actually dosnt hurt.


I do love life so Maybe i am being to critcal and dramatic. But... i think that drama queens are just thinkers. us thinkers delve so deep into a situation , it is almost impossible to resurface. And im gasping for air.

What are titles for anyway?

My stomach is Killing me.
The Ulcer Says Hi.


I havnt been hungary in days...i might be slowely dyeing.

I often ask myself. Will anyone ever really know who I am? I spend Alot of time hungaring for attention, but it is never the type that affects. A kiss on the cheek and a pat on a back..telling me its going to be okay. what if it isnt? And so many of those pats on the back feel like slaps. "Move on". Stop being lazy and get up and do something productive. What if that dosnt distract...but add to the anxiety. I tell myself.."hmm...pills". Do i want to feel like an invilid...in prisoned to myself..only thoughts .. the worrying the constent rotting ball of spikes in my stomach growing as i continnue crying. Bathroom restraunts become my escape from overcorwded resturants. and being excited about christmas becomes sickingly so.

So many people laugh at this. Damn those who do. i suppose i shouldnt waste my time on people who dont seem to care. And to those who will never know me HERE I AM IN ALL MY INSANITY. except me or kill me with your confrontations. I dont care. but my stomach sure as hell does. Im drifting from myself ..consumed by physical feelings...laughing sour dry and forced laughs.

Mybe if i had someone there all the time..like a sister or a brother to help me. But it wont happen. Many people think having many brothers and sisters is dibilitating...but whats even more dibilitating is staring up at you cold ceiling at night shivering under stiffiling covers...and all you can think is..." god, its empty." they would just be there so i know if i lean up and dry gag over the side of the bed...theyll grunt instead of yelling either...shut up or ...oh my good golly gosh are you alright?

I woke up this mouring from nauseous brain. naseous me. I restlessly sweated and tossed until i got up..and ate bacon..it was good and i smiled. Knowing as a jew i shouldnt eat it. Knowing i was breaking that law. Oink bitches. I staggered upstairs and complained..as usual until my mouth was sore. i went out to sakuras..and barly touched my food ...were has my appetite gone?
And now i sit here and wait to leave to a christmas eve party. will i make it throgh it? i dont know..but i can pretend. Or maybe it will be enjoyable. They are nice people. Ouch. There goes my stomach. Exuse me while i take my tempurature.

Mysapce

Myspace is taking the Bloghesphere by storm! Check out Mine. I lurve it. and hopefully its spam free!
www.myspace.com/justinaxluvsxu

Not Much News

I spend so much time worrying that when i finaly get to write about it. Im all worried out.

FAMILY--- Still Looking for a Christmas Present for me? Click on the link...I think their absolutly adorable..and only $10.00.

Touching...and full of sentiment this is getting all the oscar buzz.

This is going to be a wonderful movie. there is no way im not seeing it. but its rated r so im going to have to wait until it comes out on video/DVD.

Hannas

at hannas. thursday was national AIDs day. god bless those people.<3.

Leave me sum..<3